


Falling In Reverse

by Cherrys_Criminal_Mind



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28384761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind/pseuds/Cherrys_Criminal_Mind
Summary: A chance encounter on a plane means a change in Spencer's life that he never saw coming.** Repost of story I originally posted in 2016 but removed**
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

Y/N was not ready for this. At all.

Flying, she hated it. But it was a necessary evil if she wanted to visit her family. Which she did but she also didn't. Y/N going home for her sisters wedding. Her younger sisters wedding. And she was going alone, armed with a barrage of replies to the 'why are you single?' questions she knew she'd get from her relatives. None of her answers would satisfy them though. But she'd cope. There was a free bar, that was going to get her through it.

Glancing around the plane briefly Y/N saw that it seemed full of tourists, people visiting Vegas for the first time. There was that sense of buzz and and excitement in the air. The buzz and excitement that she no longer felt. Having lived there for eighteen years it quickly wore off, as did the constant "Oh you're from Vegas? Can you count cards?" No, she couldn't. But she was a pretty decent poker player so she did at least fit that one stereotype. Y/N had moved away for college when she was eighteen and now ran a small bookshop in Virginia. It wasn't what she'd expected to be doing at 26 years old but she loved it all the same. There was just something about books, the smell of them, the feel of them in her hands knowing that the pages contained an entirely different universe sometimes, one that she could immerse herself in. Y/N had started working there at college and when the previous manager had left, Sally the elderly owner had offered her the job. As she wasn't particularly doing very well in her chosen studies, she'd taken it.

Slipping her book between her leg and the side of the seat, Y/N clutched her bottled water and cursed herself for not buying any hard candy to suck on. She hated flying, taking off and landing was the worst, and sometimes she suffered from an intense pressure build up in her ears which gave Y/N a headache for days. At the moment though it looked like she was going to be lucky enough to have an entire row of three seats to herself, it was approaching takeoff time and so far no one else had claimed the other seats.

"Excuse me, excuse me.. " a tall man with brown hair that looked like it hadn't seen a hairbrush let alone touched one in years was trying to skirt around the air hostess that was helping the family in the row behind. Managing to slip by, he took out a few items and then stashed his satchel in the overhead locker before flopping down into the seat at the end of the row.

Guess you weren't going to have the row to yourself after all, Y/N thought to herself

She tried not to look at him as he figeted, trying to fold his long legs into a comfortable seating position for the flight. Finally getting settled, he gave Y/N a quick look and then pulled out his book, burying his head into it.

The crew got ready for take off, neither Y/N or the man sat by her paying any attention to the safety instructions the air hostesses went through. Y/N was a seasoned flyer as much as she disliked it and she assumed he was too. As the plane sped down the run way Y/N closed her eyes and breathed deeply, her hands clutching the arm rests as the palne took off.

As the plane gained height Y/N started to feel that familar pressure building in her ears. She began to swallow, wishing she had some candy to suck on, it always helped in the past. Her ears popped once and then almost immediately the pressure began to rebuild.

"Do you want something to suck on?"

A voice came from her right and Y/N's eyes flew open. It was the man sat next to her looking at her with concern. Y/N swallowed hard, her ear giving a little squeak.

"Pardon?"

"Would you like something to suck on?" he asked again, clearly not realising how his offer sounded. Y/N stifled a laugh, wincing slightly as her ear went again.

"I think they frown upon that here," she told me him seeing his brow furrow.

Y/N could almost see the penny dropping in his mind and his cheeks blushed a furious red as he fumbled in his pocket pulling out a packet of hard candy.

"Sweets, I meant sweets!"

He was cute, a little squeak to his voice.

"Are you sure? Cos it sounded like you were propositioning me....."

He figeted again looking extremely uncomfortable and Y/N grinned, the interaction with this cute stranger distracting her from her own discomfort.

"Look, do you want one or not?" he thrust the packet towards her and Y/N took one, popping it into her mouth and tasting the sweet but tangy taste of lemon sherberts, her favourite.

"Thank you. I appreciate it.... And I'm sorry for making fun."

"It's okay. I do realise how it sounded," he sounded more relaxed suddenly and Y/N turned to study him.

He was definitely attractive, even despite the messy hair. Strong jawline, hazel eyes and plump pink lips. He was dressed in courdroys and a pale blue button down shirt with a navy cardigan thrown over the top. One leg was tucked under the other and he had converse on his large feet. His hands rested on his lap, twiddling with the ends of his cardigan and she could see a watch worn over the sleeve of his jacket rather than under. Y/N wondered how old he was, she couldn't quite tell.

"I wonder if that line would ever work on anyone?" She pondered out loud.

"Probably not. Now I think about it, said to the wrong person and it would probably earn someone a slap round the face."

Y/N laughed and she could see the corners of his lips twitching upwards.

"Good job I'm not the wrong person then...." hearing a ping she looked up and saw that the seat belt sign had flashed off. Phew, that meant the worst of it was over and Y/N just had to endure the rest of the flight praying there wasn't any turbulence.

The man beside her unbuckled his belt immediately, readjusting his position slightly. Glancing down he saw Y/N still had hers fastened.

"Erm... You can take your belt off you know. The seat belt sign is off."

She raised your eyebrow at him. "Wow. First you offer me something to suck on, now you're trying to convince me to take my belt off."

The man turned red again." I... I..... I..." he stuttered. Y/N burst out laughing.

"It's not nice that you're making fun of me you know. I'm just trying to be helpful," he looked like a puppy that had just been kicked and she suddenly felt bad.

"Shit... I'm sorry. I just... It's just... I didn't mean to upset you...."

When he smirked, a glorious smile crossing his face reaching up into his eyes, she knew that he'd been messing with her. He spoke again.

"Truce? No more innuendos? At least I'll try... "

"Haha. Okay, truce. You don't proposition me again and I won't tease you about it. I do have to thank you though. You've distracted me so far. I hate flying and you've made taking off much more enjoyable than it usually is."

"Well... I'm, erm.. I'm glad I could help. I think... " he tucked a loose lock of hair back behind his ear and then coughed slightly before continuing. "I'm Spencer."

Attractive name for an attractive man.

"I'm...." Y/N glanced upwards quickly. "I'm Charley."

Spencer narrowed his eyes and then the corners of his mouth twitched upwards again.

"You're not. But that's okay. I'm a stranger and you don't want to give me your actual name, I get it.. That's very smart."

"How... How did you know?"

"I work for the FBI. I'm a profiler so I'm trained to read body language amongst other things. You looked up before speaking, first sign some one is lying."

FBI? Wow.

"Oh... Okay. I'm sorry, it's just I don't know you and the last movie I watched where someone befriended her fellow plane passenger, we'll. He tried to kill her."

"Red Eye, right?"

Y/N nodded and he continued. "I'm no Jackson Rippner trust me. Those are the type of guys I catch. But like I say I understand."

"So Spencer. Are you heading to Vegas on business then? Is there a bad guy I should be aware of?" She kinda wanted two keep talking to this guy despite not wanting to tell him her real name. Not yet anyway.

"Not business. I'm from Vegas actually, I'm visiting my mom. What about you, Charley... "

Y/N smiled at his use of her fake name.

"I'm from Vegas too. But I live in Virginia now. I'm going home for my sisters wedding, some thing I'm not looking forward to at all."

"Can I ask why not, or is that too personal?"

Over the next four hours Y/N and Spencer talked about her family and her upbringing. He told Y/N about his job and then about his Mom, looking suprised with himself and then revealing that he rarely talked about her. When the plane started its descent he distracted her again, talking about his favourite books. When Y/N eventually disembarked, they walked together to the luggage terminal and Y/N and Spencer both hesitated, knowing they had to go their separate ways.

Digging in her bag, Y/N pulled out her cell phone.

"So I guess it's my time to proposition you. Could I maybe get your number? Maybe we could hang out here, or when we get back to Virginia?"

Spencer blushed again but recited a series of digits which she saved in her phone. She quickly called him, seeing him pulling put has own phone with her own number flashing update on the screen.

"There, now you have my number too," she told him.

"So I do. But what do I save it under? Charley or...?" he asked and she smiled softly.

"Y/N. Save it under Y/N."


	2. Chapter 2

It took Y/N four days of being surrounded by her family before she finally had enough and needed an escape. She loved her family, she really did. But sometimes they were too much. Every aunt and uncle had rocked up at the family home over the past few days, wishing Kate and her fiancé Oliver well before then moving on to Y/N.

“You’re too pretty to be single.”

Definitely hadn’t heard that one before.

“Your baby sister is getting married, isn’t it about time you settled down too?”

Oh come on. They made it sound like she was on the shelf or something. Y/N was 26 not 76. And Kate and Oliver had been high school sweethearts, it was no surprise to anyone that at 22 they were getting married.

“Are you a lesbian? Is that it?”

Jesus fucking christ.

Until then finally she’d tipped over the edge and had blurted out. “I have a boyfriend alright, I just didn’t want to mention him and distract from Kate and Olli.”

All of Y/N’s families eyes were now on her. Which is exactly what she hadn’t wanted.

Fuck.

“You’re with someone?” her mom asked, her eyes lit up. “What’s his name?”

“Yeah Y/N,” Kate sauntered over. “What’s his name?”

“His name’s… his name is Spencer. He works for the FBI.”

“Where’s he from?” Y/N’s mom queried.

“Vegas actually. He’s actually in town….. ”

Why oh why did she say that? Why couldn’t she control her mouth when it actually mattered.

And that was why on the night before her baby sisters big day Y/N found herself in a bar with the man she’d spent an entire plane journey talking to, begging him to be her fake boyfriend.

She’d messaged him trying to act casual, asking him if he wanted to hang out, not even expecting him to reply. When he had less than a minute after the message had sent, asking when and where, she’d been surprised. But pleased.

Maybe this could work.

“So you want me to come to your sisters wedding and pretend to be your boyfriend?” Spencer wrinkled his nose up and took a sip of his pink, fruity looking cocktail.

“Yes. Basically. Look, I know we don’t know each other and I know it’s the most bizarre request ever. But I fucked up. My family kept asking if I was gay for God’s sake. Not that it would matter. But they just seem to want some reason as to why I don’t have a boyfriend. So it just slipped out and yours was the first name I could think of off.”

“Are you? Gay, I mean?”

“NO! I mean I may have experimented a little in college but I like guys. I’m all about the penis here.”

His eyes widened.

“Okay, okay forget it. I’m sorry I even asked you here. You must think I’m some kind of crazy psycho girl who can’t even get a date to her own sisters wedding. I’m sorry to have bothered you… ” Y'N went to stand up to leave, surprised when Spencer put his hand out and caught her wrist.

“I don’t think you’re a crazy psycho girl. I think you’re a very not crazy girl who just got tired of her families questions and dug herself a hole. I get the same questions from my mom when she’s having a good day. And I get relentlessly teased by my team mates that I’m thirty three years old and have never really had a proper relationship. There’s been times when I’ve contemplated lying too. I get it.”

He did?

Also.. Thirty three and never had a proper relationship? How?

Spencer motioned for Y/N to sit back down and she did.

“I’ll… I’ll come with you tomorrow. If you still want me to. I’m leaving the day after to go back to Virginia and it would be nice to actually do something. I love spending time with my mom and all but…. ”

“Sometimes you want to do something different.”

Spencer nodded.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you for this!”

Giving you a shy smile Spencer spoke. “Maybe we can go out back in Virginia, when you’re home too?”

“I think that could definitely work. If my crazy family don’t scare you off.” She couldn’t believe he was agreeing to this. She wanted to jump in his lap and kiss him and hug him, that was how grateful she was right now.

“I’m sure they won’t. And I’ve dealt with my fair share of crazy anyway. Now…. If I’m going to be your fake boyfriend for the day, we probably should get to know each other a bit better. You told me some things on the plane ride but we need to get a back story down and stuff.”

He was right, they did. Gesturing to the waiter to bring more drinks, the two set about creating details of Y/N’s and Spencer Reid’s, as she came to discover was his surname, fake relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

The ceremony went without a hitch. As predicted it was stunning and Y/N found herself frantically dabbing tears from her eyes as her sister and fiance were pronounced man and wife.

Afterwards when the obligatory photos had been snapped, she found Spencer amongst the crowds again taking his hand and leading him through to the room where their evening meal would be served. Kate being Kate had made last minute adjustments to the seating arrangements meaning that Spencer was seated with Y/N’s family. And every single member of that family spent the entirety of dinner asking him questions. Never mind that Kate had just got married, Kate didn’t mind the attention being off her she was just as eager to find out everything she could about her sisters mysterious new boyfriend.

Spencer answered all of the questions good naturedly, playing his role as the enamoured boyfriend to perfection, the charm that he’d embraced earlier when he’d first met Y/N’s family, rolling off him in waves. He didn’t know where this side of him had appeared from but he had to admit he liked it. He had a gorgeous girl in a beautiful bridesmaids dress by his side and all of the other women on the tables attention. He wasn’t used to this but the boost it gave his ego was immense so he kept the act up.  
When dinner was over and the speeches finished, the table broke up. The free bar was open and the band had begun to play which mean he and Y/N could talk amongst themselves.

“How am I doing?” he asked her nervously.

“How are you doing? I think my aunt Maria and my cousin Jess want to marry you and I’m fairly certain that Olivers sister is going to try and slip you her room key. That two faced bitch always did think she was better than me.”

“Which one is she again?”

Y/N pointed her out discreetly and Spencer wrinkled up his nose.

“Nah… She’s… Just no.”

“Not your type?” Y/N asked.

“I don’t really have a type. Like I said before, I’m thirty three and have never really been in a proper relationship.”

“Yeah. I can’t understand that. Is that by choice or have you just not found anyone that’s right for you?”

Reid readjusted his position, taking another sip of wine. “I just don’t really find it that easy to approach woman. I mean, it’s fine with the ones I work with but I’ve never been the sort of guy who finds it easy to drop pick up lines or to flirt with girls. And when I do tend to talk to women, I ramble and they end in thinking I’m weird.”

Thinking back, he had rambled on the plane. But Y/N hadn’t found it weird, more endearing than anything.

“I don’t think you’re weird.”

“Yeah but you barely know me” he pointed out.

“And? Surely it’s first impressions that count. And once I realised you weren’t trying to get me to suck you off, my first impression was of a very cute guy who was aware of my discomfort and was trying to helping me. And you did, and you’re continuing to do so. I might not know the full ins and outs of Spencer Reid, but what I do know, I like.”

Spencer didn’t meet her eyes for a moment and when he did, he seemed to be searching her, trying to see if she was fibbing. She wasn’t, she was being truthful.

“What about you then? Your family seem some pleased that you finally have a boyfriend. However fake I am…. ”

Although there wasn’t a direct question there, Y/N knew what he was asking her. Why was she single? She shrugged.

“I dunno. I’ve just… I had boyfriends in high school and college but since then there’s never been anyone serious. I’ve not found anyone interesting enough to want to spend any actual time with them. When men do approach me, I tend to just give a fake name and number if they don’t interest me.”

“Charley…..”

“Yeah well, I gave you my real name eventually. And my real phone number. Although I bet you’re regretting that right now.”

Spencer shook his head. “I’m actually enjoying myself.”

“It’s a pretty unconventional first date though…”

Both of them looked at each other when the word date was mentioned.

“Erm….I meant… ” Y/N was flustered suddenly, something that didn’t often happen around guys.

“I don’t have many first dates to compare this to, but I can honestly say it’s the best.”

Spencers words put her at ease and they smiled softly at each other.

“Would you like to dance?” she asked him. 

Normally Reid would have refused out rightly but he found that he couldn’t. He nodded and the two of them moved to the dance floor.  
They danced together and continued to take advantage of the free bar, both of them drinking far more than they usually would. 

When it became time for the bouquet toss, Y/N was practically swaying. Her aunts and cousins dragged her to the front of the dancefloor, all of them whispering comments about how she should be next and how handsome her boyfriend was.

Y/N was never any good at catch and throw based sports at school. When her sister tossed that bouquet though, it seemed to be hurtling directing towards her. She wasn’t trying to catch it, she was simply trying to protect her face from the bunch of flowers that seemed destined to thwack her right in the center of her forehead. All of a sudden she had a bouquet of flowers in her arms and her entire family pointing over at Spencer who tried not to look as horrified as Y/N felt inside. When she finally escaped their clutches she made her way over to him, using the backs of chairs to balance herself.  
She was drunk. Incredibly drunk and so was he. But neither of them wanted the night to end. Despite the unconventionalness and surrealness of their first date they were both enjoying the others company.

“Do you wanna…. Do you wanna… HIC…. get out of here?” Y/N asked, feeling her female relatives watching her and Spencer.

He nodded. “Maybe find somewhere for coffee?”

Spencer held out his arm and Y/N linked hers through his as they exited the hotel together in search of decent coffee.

If only that was what they’d ended up doing.  
….

When Y/N awoke the next morning it was to an incredibly loud ringing noise coming from the hotel phone. Blindly she felt for it, pressing it to her ear.

“Y/F/N, I have been ringing your cell for the last hour. Check out is in twenty minutes. Get a move on.”

Her mother slammed the phone down and Y/N winced. Her head felt like someone had run over it with a tractor and her mouth tasted like someone had taken a dump inside it. The room was spinning slightly and as she struggled to sit up in bed, she realised she was naked. And there was that distinct feeling between her legs that something had happened last night.

Shit.

Carefully looking around the room she noticed a scrap of paper on the other side of her bed, hand written scrawl on in. Grabbing it and immediately feeling nauseous with the movement, she squinted to read it.

Y/N.

I tried to wake you up to say goodbye but you were dead to the world. My flight is at 1pm although I’ve no idea how I’m going to suffer through five hours on a plane. I feel like someone has smashed my skull open.

I’m ashamed to say that I remember very little after we left the hotel last night, and given the state of undress we were both in when I woke up, I’m even more sorry that I don’t remember how we got that way.

What I do remember is having fun with you at the wedding. I’d like to see you again when you’re home. Unless of course you do remember something from last night and I did something incredibly embarrassing and off putting.

Anyway, I need to leave as I’m already running late.

Message me when you’re home?

Spencer

Through her pain Y/N managed to grin. She couldnt remember anything after leaving the hotel to find coffee either, but she guessed that coffee was not what they’d found.  
Realising she only had twenty minutes to get ready and pack her stuff up, she hauled herself out of bed, wobbling as she moved as quickly as she could around the room. Her bridesmaid dress lay in a pile on the floor, it’s hem ripped and dirty. Her underwear was hanging off a lampshade and she tried not to imagine how the hell that had happened. She dressed and tossed her clothes back into the suitcase, ready to spend another few days at her parents.

She couldnt find her phone though, no matter how hard she looked. It wasn’t in the little bag she’d taken out with her last night. All that was in there was a folded piece of paper and her lip gloss, she’d look at the paper later.

Had she lost it? Fuck…. She tried dialling the number from the room phone but as she almost always kept her cell on silent, it didn’t help.  
She must have lost it last night.

Ugh. How was she going to get hold of Spencer now?


	4. Chapter 4

Seven weeks passed and Spencer had accepted that his night with Y/N was a one off. He’d messaged her a few times but hadn’t received any reply from her whatsoever. Maybe he had done something so horrific that he couldn’t remember, maybe that was why she wasn’t contacting him?

It was a shame though. From what he could piece together, he thought that they’d had a pretty amazing time. He’d felt at ease with her and had enjoyed acting as the smooth charming guy around her family. But now he was back at work and back to being bumbling old Spencer.

Sigh.

…

Y/N had wanted to message him but she didn’t have his number. Her cell was well and truly lost, she’d filed a report at the hotel just in case anyone handed it in. She’d bought a new one, but she hadn’t been smart enough to save his number to Google contacts, only saving it to her sim and although she’d looked for him, Spencer didn’t appears to have any form of social media at all.

She knew he worked for the FBI and the BAU where he was based wasn’t actually too far from her. But she couldn’t just turn up at his work could she? She had no indication other than his note that he even wanted to see her again. So she gave up, just accepting that it was a one night thing never to be repeated all because she’d lost her damn cell phone. She still had no recollection of what had happened after they’d left the wedding. She occasionally had weird dreams where her and Spencer were in a white room with flowers everywhere, and in the dreams it sounded like she could hear Elvis Presley singing to them both. She needed to stop eating cheese before bedtime.

Seven weeks after the wedding she returned home to her apartment to a flashing lights on her answerphone.

“Y/N, this is Brian Andrews; Olivers Uncle and the manager and The Las Vegas Lux. You filed a report when you stayed here for the wedding recently, a lost cell phone. One of our maid’s handed in a phone that they’d found whilst cleaning behind a chest of drawers, we think it could be yours. Please call us back on…… ”

After a quick phone call back to answer a few questions it was confirmed that the cell was indeed Y/N’s. The hotel agreed to fed ex it to her and she received it two days later.  
She charged it up and then switched it on, cringing when she saw five messages from Spencer come through sent a few days apart. He must think she’s the worst person ever. She’d text him back later, maybe try to salvage things.

Flicking into her camera roll she looked to see if she’d taken many photos the night of the wedding. As it turned out, she had. And she’d taken photos after her and Spencer had left the hotel as well.

Photos of them posing in front of The Little White Chapel. Photos of them posing with Elvis with looney drunken grins on their faces. A photo taken by someone else, showing them holding a piece of paper up proudly, Spencer kissing Y/N’s cheek.

What the hell? What the….

Holy fuck.

Y/N recalled the folded piece of paper that was in the handbag she’d used that day, the handbag she’d just tossed into the back of her closet without a second thought. She rushed into her bedroom, chucking various items of clothes aside until she found the bag with the paper inside.

She pulled it out praying silently that it wasn’t what she thought it was, that those photos didn’t mean what she thought they did.

Shit. Shitting fucking FUCK!

It was true. Dated just over seven weeks ago, the night she and Spencer had apparently…

Wait. Seven weeks?

Y/N racked her brain for something else. When she’d had to buy a new cell she’d gone the whole hog and changed operating systems as well meaning the tracking app she used before didn’t have her previous dates in it. She checked the app on this phone instead and then mentally ran through the last seven weeks.

Nope… Nope. Fucking nope.

She’d been busy at work, stress could interfere with these things right? She needed to make sure.

An hour, two bottles of water and a trip to the store later and Y/N was googling directions on how to get to Quantico. She needed to talk to Spencer. In person.

And she needed to do it now.

She just hoped that he wasn’t out on a case.  
…

As it turned out, the BAU had just returned from a case the day before and we’re all holed up in the office completing paperwork. When Spencer received a call on his desk phone, that there was a Y/F/N down in the lobby requesting to speak with him his heart leapt a little.

He’d all but given up on her, maybe this week wasn’t going to end so badly after all.

He made his way downstairs to greet a very pale and nervous looking Y/N.

“Hi. I kinda wasn’t expecting to see you again after…. Well, I tried to message you but… ”

“I know, I know” Y/N interrupted him. She needed to do this quickly before she lost all of her nerve.

“I lost my cell that night. I only got it back today. It had somehow fallen behind a dresser in the room, the hotel fed exed it to me… ”

Spencer could tell there was more. The way she was wringing her hands together was making him nervous himself and he gently pulled her off to one side where the seats were. She sat down and took a deep breath.

“I couldn’t remember anything after we left the hotel. Could you?”

Reid shook his head and Y/N closed her eyes for a few seconds before pulling out her cell phone and a piece of folded paper.

“Apparently we took photos though. Photos I’ve only seen today. And I thought it was a joke maybe until I remembered the paper in my handbag. I didn’t look at it when I tossed the bag into my closet, I figured it was just a flyer for some clubs.”

“I’m guessing it wasn’t?” Spencer could feel the nervous energy coming off Y/N in waves now.

She handed him her cell phone, already open to the photo gallery.

“Take a look.”

Spencer did, seeing the same photos Y/N had earlier, a peculiar sensation coming over him.

He looked up at her his eyes full of questions. Then she unfolded the paper and showed that to him.

It was a marriage certificate. From the night of her sisters wedding.

Proclaiming that he, Spencer Reid and Y/F/N were man and wife.

“There’s more…” Y/N’s brow furrowed and she looked like she could burst into tears at any moment.

More? How on earth could there be more?

“I’m pregnant. And there’s no one else it could be.”


	5. Chapter 5

“We’re…. And you’re….” Spencer’s brain was overloaded. Two very simple pieces of information which when put together and applied to him and Y/N, seemed inconceivable.

Yet he had the evidence in front of him. Which did kinda explain the weird dreams he’d been having where Elvis was serenading him and Y/N.

“We’re married and I’m… I’m pregnant. With your baby,” Y/N herself seemed to not believe the things she was saying. But she was still saying them to him.

“Are you sure? About the…” he signalled towards her stomach, not quite being able to bring himself to say it.

“I bought three kits. With two tests in each. That’s six sticks I peed on. All six flashed up with that little plus sign that means life as I know it is done. And I haven’t had sex with anyone else in over a year… Hell, I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that we’d fucked.”

“We did….. ” Spencer cringed when he saw Y/N’s face.

“I thought you said you didn’t remember anything!”

“I don’t. Not really. But when I woke up, well… The positions we were lying in… And there was a certain scent to the room… ”

“Oh fuck…”

Spencer glanced down at the marriage certificate and then back up at Y/N.

“We weren’t wearing rings though. I didn’t have a ring on when I woke up?”

She’d already solved that riddle. “I think we used those candy rings. You know the plastic sort with a big hard piece of candy that you suck on where the diamond should be. I remember seeing two of them with the candy missing in the room when I was throwing things back into my suitcase. We must have eaten them…. Hey, I guess you really did give me something to suck on….”

Y/N winced at her joke. This was no time for that, no time at all.

But she heard Spencer chuckle softly and she looked over at him. When their eyes met her own laughter broke free and for the next few minutes they laughed so hard she was almost crying.

When they finally got a hold of themselves, the reality of the situation hits them.

“Do you…. Have you thought about…..erm. What you’re going to do? What we’re going to do?”

Y/N shook her head. “Spencer, I only found out a few hours before you. My family is thousands of miles away so I haven’t really had chance to speak to any of them. And I’m not sure I want to until I know what I… What we’re going to do. Finding out we’re married is one thing but… pregnant? That adds a whole new level of complication onto everything. The only thing I do know for certain is that I can’t… I can’t terminate. It’s a valid option for many people but I just can’t. So that leaves adoption or…. actually being a mom.”

“Alright, well. I need to ask. You being here, does that mean that you want my opinion?” Spencer swallowed hard.

“I think so, yes. It’s not just me this affects and…. as harsh as it sounds, we got into this whole marriage/pregnancy mess together so I figure we should work it out together.”

Reid nodded, still not quite believing the turn of events.

“Okay. We can’t stay here and talk. Let me go and speak to my supervisor and then we can go somewhere.”

“Okay.”

…

“So let me get this straight,” Morgan was staring at Spencer like he’d told him that he was an alien from Mars who had announced he was marrying the Queen of England. Spencer hadn’t meant for the rest of the team to overhear him telling Hotch why he needed to leave early but they had. And now, there were questions.

Question’s he wasn’t even sure of the answers too.

“You, Spencer Reid, guy who doesn’t even date, hooked up with a girl in Vegas and now you’re married to her and she’s pregnant with your kid?”

Reid nodded and pulled his little frog face.

“Spencer are you sure about this girl?” JJ asked him, concern in her voice.

“Am I sure she’s not lying? She wasn’t just some random hook up. I met her on the plane, I liked her and she seemed to like me. We exchanged numbers and then two days before I have to leave she asks me to go to her sisters wedding to get her family off her back about her being single. We drank… A lot….I know it sounds like a plot of movie or TV show but… I’ve seen the marriage certificate. And I don’t think she’s lying. I don’t see what she’d have to gain.”

“But you went to Vegas nearly eight weeks ago, kid.” Rossi commented.

“She says lost her cell phone, the hotel only found it a few days ago. She does have two phones on her. And the pregnancy… She says she’s been busy at work and hadn’t even realised until she saw the date on the marriage certificate and realised it had been so long. Listen, I know you’re all concerned and worried but she’s waiting for me downstairs and I need to go and figure things out with her.”

“Reid …..” Hotch looked over at his younger colleague. “Take a few days off. And just… be carefull with her.’

Reid was already tired of the concerned looks and the sense that all his friends thought this girl was only here because she had something to gain. That she had purposely slept with and married Reid because she had an ulterior motive. He didn’t know Y/N that well but he did know that she wasn’t like that and they would too if they actually met her.

"Thanks. I’ll erm… I’ll keep you updated.”

Spencer grabbed his bag and started to walk away, Hotch calling after him.

“You do realise that if she is pregnant, an annulment is out of the question. You’d actually have to divorce her.”

Divorce. The big D word.

He hadn’t even thought about that word once he knew there was a baby involved.

Shit.

What if she wanted to get a divorce?


	6. Chapter 6

Y/N drove, although both were unsure where to go. At first Y/N suggested that they should go somewhere that was neutral ground but they couldn’t decide on where to go as they needed somewhere quiet yet comfortable enough to talk in private. In the end, they ended up going back to Y/N’s apartment, both of them surprised when Spencer commented that she was at , a fifteen minute walk from his building.

“Do you want a drink?” Y/N tossed her keys and her bag, kicking off her shoes by the door.

“Coffee would be great. Do I… Do I need to take my shoes off too?” Spencer observed the row of footwear by the door, fully aware that some people had a no shoe rule.

“Huh?… Oh.. No. It’s fine. Whatever is comfortable for you,” Y/N made her way over to the kitchen and Spencer quickly toed his converse off and followed her. She made them both a drink, coffee for him and juice for her, and then led him over to her couch.

“So” Y/N took a sip of juice, suddenly feeling out of her depth.

“So…. ”

“Erm….Spencer. I just want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. If you want nothing to do with this I’ll understand. I…. I was thinking on the drive back here that… I think, I’m gonna keep this baby and raise it. It’ll be hard and it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to be doing at 26 but… well it’s happened right? If you want an annulment and to just walk away then I understand. No judgement.”

The words just came pouring out of Y/N and she felt lighter somehow for saying them.

“We can’t get an annulment,” Spencer told her, still mentally processing her speech.

“We.. We can’t?”

He shook his head. “The marriage has been consummated. We’d have to get a divorce.”

“Oh.”

Shit. Her mother was going to kill her.

“I don’t want to get divorced” Spencer whispered, staring straight ahead.

“No.”

As Reid sat there, an image formed in his mind. Two years down the line, him and Y/N and a small child sitting together on a picnic blanket in front of a small house. He and Y/N were holding hands and laughing, the child wobbling on its feet as it tried to potter around.

Could this work?

“Y/N, if you hadn’t have lost your cell phone would you have contacted me?”

She was struck by his question, completely not the one she was expecting. But she nodded.

“Yes. I enjoyed spending time with you. As cheesy as it is, I thought there was some sort of connection between us and I was looking forward to meeting up with you again.”

“So was I,” Spencer turned on the couch today look at her, shuffling a littlest bit closer.

“So here’s what I propose. And it sounds crazy but…. what if we stayed married? And raised this baby together as a family. If we were going to date anyway then…. it’s just like we’ve sped that process up. We like each other, we enjoy each others company at least the small amount of time we’ve spent together so what if… What if we just went with it.”

“You’re right, it sounds crazy,” Y/N commented after a few moments of thought, lifting her head to lock her eyes on his.

“But crazy sometimes works.”

…

And so six weeks later Y/N and Spencer, along with Spencer’s teammates, were moving into a three bed rental. Reid’s colleague Derek Morgan owned the property and had recently finished renovating it.

“I can’t believe you’re going through with this,” Morgan said through gritted teeth as they positioned Spencer’s bed in one of the double rooms.

“Hey, you signed the rental agreement.”

“Yeah well, I’m beginning to regret that decision,” Morgan huffed.

“I thought you liked her?”

Spencer had taken Y/N to one of the family dinners at Rossi’s a few weeks ago, her making a resounding impression on the team.

“I do. I just think this is all too fast. You barely know this woman and now you’re shacking up and playing happy families with her.

"Derek, we’ve been through this before. I appreciate you looking out for me here and both Y/N and I understand that this relationship isn’t exactly conventional. But it IS a relationship. She IS my wife and the mother of MY child.”

Spencer looked at his friend, a pleading look on his face. His didn’t want Morgan to ruin this day for him, they’d had this discussion multiple times already.

“Okay fine, I’ll go help bring the other bed in.”

Derek stalked out of the room leaving Spencer to reposition the mattress himself.

“Hey….” Y/N crept up behind him pressing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey yourself.”

She plopped down onto his mattress. “I’m bored. None of your friends will let me lift anything and the stuff that I could be unpacking like our clothes, are at the back of the van.”

“That’s because they’re under strict instructions from me NOT to let you do anything….”

“Spence, I’m pregnant not an invalid.”

Spence. The nickname hardly anyone got away with using. But when it had slipped off her lips a few weeks ago, Reid hadn’t corrected her. He kinda liked the way it sounded from her.

“I know you’re not. But I’m not taking any chances with that peanut in there,” he motioned towards Y/N’s belly and she reached out and took his hand, pressing it against the small curve that was forming. They both knew it was too early to feel anything but it was a sweet motion none the less. They’d been for the first scan two weeks ago, the Doctor confirming that the dates did match up with the size of the teeny tiny baby that was shown on the screens. She was now roughly fourteen weeks gone, although neither of them had told their parents yet.

The scan had been…. an experience Spencer would never forget. He’d accompanied JJ to one when she’d been pregnant with Henry and it had been emotional then, but this was his child in there. His baby. They’d both shed a tear watching the monitor, their hands clasped together so tightly that no one would have guessed that their relationship was only five days older than the baby show on the screen.

Relationship…. It was still strange to them both that they were going to ahead with this. Not so much the pregnancy but the staying married and just going with it. The decision to move in with each other had come round weeks after their decision to stay together and try to make this work, and although Morgan hadn’t seemed tremendously happy when he offered one of his houses to Reid, he still did it. Y/N and Spencer had made sure that they spent as much time together as they could, learning more about about each other. So far neither of them had found anything they particularly disliked and Y/N had found herself wondering whether it was just that they were simply meant to be together and the marriage and baby was fates way of ensuring that happened.

They still hadn’t kissed or had any real kind of intimacy between them though. Spencer would touch Y/N’s tummy and they’d hug whenever they were saying goodbye but so far, nothing had happened. It was like they were both nervous even though they’d already done the deed once. And they’d settled on separate bedrooms which had caused snickers from Rossi and Derek.

“You’re married but sleeping in separate rooms. C'mon now Kid, that’s how marriages end not begin,” Dave had teased him, earning a withering look from Reid.

Y/N looked around the room that was now Spencer’s bedroom. Being the gentleman he was, he taken the slightly smaller of the two doubles, the rooms backing onto each other.

“Where are you bed sheets. I can at least make your bed for you, that’s not too strenuous.”

“Erm. I’ll find them for you. But that’s all you’re doing for now, until we get the smaller stuff in okay.”

“Okay,” she grinned at him. “Whatever you say husband.”

…

It was 10pm when Y/N and Spencer finally sat down on the couch that had come from Y/N’s apartment. The team had left around an hour ago, both Y/N and Spencer showering before eating some take out that they’d ordered. Despite not doing any of the heavy lifting Y/N was shattered and rose from the couch, stretching her back out and feeling Spencer’s eyes going almost immediately to her tummy.

“I’m beat. I think I’m gonna head on up.”

“I think I’ll join you….. I mean, in my own room of course,” Reid hurried to correct himself.

Y/N nodded and then found herself saying “You don’t have to you know. We ARE married after all. Maybe we should be sharing a bed. Although… We’ve not even… We’ve not even done anything since that night.”

“I know.” Spencer’s words were quiet.

“Doesn’t that bother you at all?”

Reid’s shook his head, his replying coming out as more of a question. “Not really?”

“You sound so sure there.”

He hauled himself off the couch and stood directly in front of Y/N.

“I just didn’t want to presume anything. Yes, a piece of paper says we’re married and we’ve very obviously already had intercourse….”

“Intercourse, Spence? We fucked. We had sex. Don’t make it sound so technical,” she smiled to let him know that she was jesting and he continued.

“Fine.. We’ve very obviously already had sex. But… I just didn’t want to presume that meant that we were going to again.”

“So we’re just going to be married and have a kid and not have a physical relationship?” Y/N’s voice was more high pitched than she’d intended it to be.

“No!… Yes? I don’t know.”

“Do you not find me attractive anymore? Oh god, is it because I’m getting fat because of the baby?” Y/N was barely showing but she was still paranoid about the change in her weight.

“Of course I find you attractive, anyone would be blind not to. And you’re not fat, you’re pregnant. And you can barely tell that anyway.”

“Then what is it? Because…if we were dating ‘normally’ and the same amount of time had passed from our first date, then I’m quite certain things would have progressed beyond us hugging by now.”

Spencer shrugged. “I just didn’t think you’d want to.”

Y/N looked at him, her husband. He looked dejected and unsure of himself. Where was the smooth talking Spencer who had charmed her family at her sisters wedding? Why was there suddenly this lack of confidence here?

“Spencer. I don’t need to constantly point out the unconventionalness of… us. But I wouldn’t have agreed to stay married to you if I didn’t want a physical relationship with you as well. And it frustrates the hell out of me that I can’t remember that night, that I can’t remember kissing you or seeing you naked, or doing any of those things we must have done to each other.”

“It… It does?”

“Yes! How many married women can say they can’t remember kissing their husband? I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do but…. ”

Y/N couldn’t continue because Spencer’s mouth was suddenly on hers, kissing her gently. His lips were warm and soft and when she parted her lips to deepen the kiss she could taste the chinese food they’d been eating earlier. It was… nice. Not earth shattering or knee trembling, but nice. She pulled away a few moments later and licked her lips.

“Alright. That’s one thing ticked off the list. First sober kiss as a married couple.”

“Was it… Was it o… ”

“Don’t you dare ask me if it was okay Spencer Reid. I’m not going to mark you out of ten. But if yours are the only lips I get to kiss for the rest of my life then I’d be okay with that.”

She reached up and touched his cheek, nudging a piece of hair out of his eyes.

“Can we try not to leave the other things too long? I’d rather not have our first sober time when I’m the size of a whale. I’m not saying it has to happen tonight or anything but….”

“It wouldn’t matter to me, just so you know. You’re beautiful to me no matter how big your tummy gets. You’d be beautiful to me no matter what,” Spencer’s eyes were full of warmth when he said that.

“There he is! There’s the charmer…. Welcome back.”

Even though Y/N had joked, she did feel well and truly charmed after those words.


	7. Chapter 7

It actually happened three weeks after they’d moved into the apartment. And it was…. Y/N wanted to describe it as perfect but she’d think she was being too clichéd to use that term about sex.

But oh it was. In the space of three weeks Y/N’s bump seemed to have shot out and she’d been feeling particularly self conscious about it one night, pulling her robe tightly around herself as she sat on the couch next to Spencer. He’d been away for the past four days on a case and she’d felt almost lost with out him there, something she never expected to feel so soon. Perhaps it was the hormones? She’d stood up to get a drink and her robe had slipped open, her tank top underneath having ridden upwards and completely exposing her tummy. She quickly grabbed at the robe and began securing it around herself again hurriedly, Spencer watching her movement and catching her wrist.

“Hey… Are you okay?” he asked her, his voice full of concern.

“Erm yeah. I’m fine.”

“Really?”

The way he looked at her told her he knew something was up, and of course he did. He was a profiler for heavens sakes.

“Fine. You’ll think it’s silly but I just… I feel like a bit of a whale right now and when I woke up this morning I noticed some stretch marks had formed on my tummy and boobs. It’s stupid I know but I just feel….. Unattractive.”

“Can I see?”

“Why would you want to look at that?”

“I want to try to understand why it’s bothering you so much that you tried to cover up so quickly.”

Oh.

“Okay…. But it’s horrific.”

Y/N completely unbelted her robe and let it fall open, her hands hanging limply by her sides. Spencer moved to edge of his seat and placed his hands to the curve of her tummy, the warmth of his touch sending a tingle up her spine.

“You think this little bump makes you look like a whale?” he asked.

Y/N nodded slowly, looking down at his tousled hair.

“Well I don’t. I think this little bump makes you look like a goddess, a goddess carrying the best gift anyone could give me.” His hands ran over her skin until they found the purply marks that had appeared.

“You think these lines make you look unattractive?”

She nodded again.

“I definitely don’t. These lines were made by your body expanding to accommodate the life inside of it. That’s amazing and these lines, these marks, only serve as a reminder of how fantastic you are.”

He leant forward and extremely unexpectedly placed his lips to the ugly purple mark. Y/N shivered at the gentleness of his touch as he kissed along the line, the act feeling more intimate than anything they’d done so far. Which to be fair aside from their wedding night hadn’t gone beyond kissing.

He pulled away slightly, looking up at her. “Your body is beautiful. It was beautiful before, and it will be beautiful after.”

Y/N nodded a third time, her hand moving to the back of his head, caressing his neck lightly through his hair. Spencer moved his hands to her waist, his fingers running lightly up and down her sides. She swallowed in anticipation, almost hoping that this was going to go lead somewhere, Spencer’s eyes still locked on hers.

Very slowly he leant forward and kissed her tummy again, this time though he peppered open mouthed kisses across her skin working his way up to where the edge of her tank top met her skin and nudging it higher. Slipping his fingers under the hem Spencer came in to contact with the underside of Y/N’s breasts.

“You mentioned marks on your chest,” he all but whispered, the air in the room turning heavy. Y/N shrugged her robe off completely and lifted her arms into the air as Spencer gripped her tank top and pulled it up and off.

The cool air hit Y/N’s chest as she stood in front of him bare from the waist up. As self conscious as she still felt, his gaze of adoration went some way to putting her at ease.

“Where?” Spencer asked her, and she turned slightly showing him the pale purple line that had appeared on the side of her left breast. He traced it with his fingertip before repeating his earlier action and kissing it.

“Exquisite,” he murmured as she let out a low shaky breath.

Placing his hands on her waist Spencer pulled Y/N forward gently, indicating for her to sit on his lap. She did, her knees either side of his thighs, her bump between them and Reid’s hands splayed against her back. She went to move her arms, to cover her bare chest but Spencer shook his head at her, his eyes fixing on hers.

“Don’t hide yourself. I will never ever judge you or think anything less of you because of any changes your body goes through. You are and always will be beautiful to me, and these marks, these maps caused by the tiny life inside you only add to that beauty.”

Y/N placed her hands on his shoulders and lowered her head, his coming up to meet hers as their mouths captured the others in a kiss.

From there….. Well, it was a given what was going to happen. And it did. Spencer spent the night making Y/N feel like a goddess, and when they were both exhausted and spent, they curled up together falling into a blissful slumber.

…

“Well. In the grand scheme of things that wasn’t too terrible, was it?” Spencer placed their bags down inside the door and Y/N walked straight into the living room and flopped down onto the couch.

He came and sat down next to her, kicking his shoes of and leaning back into the cushions.

“I guess.. It wasn’t too bad.”

At twenty weeks pregnant they’d finally made the trip back to Vegas to inform their parents of their impending grandparent hood and the fact that Y/N and Spencer were married.

Spencer’s mother had been the most welcoming of the news, surprised that her son hadn’t told her he was even seeing anyone but she greeted Y/N warmly and spent the afternoon chatting animatedly with them both.

When they’d left, Spencer had been down beat, quiet in the car as they drove to Y/N’s parents house where they were expected for dinner.

“You okay?” she asked him, reaching out and squeezing his hand.

“Just…. It makes me sad sometimes when I leave her when she’s like that. Today was a good day for her, and knowing she’s going to be a grandmother has made her really happy. But she’s not always like that….”

Y/N knew about his mother’s condition, she also knew that Spencer had concerns about the fact that it was hereditary so he or their unborn baby could develop the condition later on in life. But there was little they could do about that not and as Y/N had told him one night “if people spent their lives worrying about what might happen, then they’d never let anything good happen.”

She squeezed his hand again, more tightly this time. “You’ve made her incredibly happy today. Just try to focus on that, don’t worry about the rest. You can’t control her condition and she can’t either. But just focus on the thought that you’ve given her a really good day.”

His mouth turned up into a small sad smile and he nodded.

Y/N’s parents had been less welcoming of the news.

“You’re married? And pregnant????” Joanna Y/L/N had exclaimed. Y/N’s father Colin had simply stood up and began pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace.

Y/N felt Spencer tense up slightly next to her, the charm that had dripped off him the day of the wedding, not coming so easily now.

“Yes mother,” Y/N had quietly replied, gripping Spencer’s hand tightly. They’d chosen to not explain that their relationship was only a few days older than their marriage, thinking that would only aggravate the situation further.

“You got married in a skanky Vegas chapel, on the day of your baby sister got married. Jesus Christ, Y/N, could you not let her have that one day to herself.”

“Hey!” Y/N turned to her mother with a frown on her face. “We didn’t plan on getting married alright. And technically we got married the day after Kate and Olli did.” The date on the certificate had actually been for the following day. Just in the ridiculously early hours of that day.

“Aaannd” she was on a roll now. “If I remember rightly, you were one of the people gushing at me when I caught Kate’s bouquet and telling me how I’d be next. This is what you wanted. Kind of….”

Joanna shook her head rigorously. “I did not want my oldest daughter getting married in a sleazy chapel, without any of her family or friends there. I cannot believe you did this to us. Can you imagine how the rest of the family will react? Especially when I tell them you’re pregnant too.”

“Well at least I was married when I got pregnant.” A poor shot but one that scored anyway. Joanna Y/L/N and Colin had had a shotgun wedding when they found out they’d been expecting Y/N. Colin shot his eldest daughter a look and sat down next to his wife.

“Jo, listen. They didn’t plan this to spite you. They were drunk and they made a mistake. Do you remember all the times we were drunk and made mistakes when we were younger…..”

“Wasn’t I one of those drunken mistakes?” Y/N interjected, earning another stern look from her father. Her mother just sniffed.

“They’re married, and expecting a baby. Our first grandchild. We’re going to be grandparents Jo. And once the baby is born, they’re going to come home and we’ll throw them a huge party where they can renew their wedding vows right in front of the whole family. Right Y/N?”

Colin looked pointedly at his daughter and she swiftly nodded.

“Right Spencer?”

Reid jumped slightly but nodded all the same. They could do that. If it was important enough to Y/N’s family and she was willing to go through with it, then he could too.

“Now, Y/N. You mentioned you’re twenty weeks. What’s that, five months? That means you’ve had a scan right? And there’s photos I presume?”

Y/N smiled and rummaged in her bag, pulling out the scan photos they’d bought multiple copies of and handing them over. Almost as soon as her mother saw the image on the page her expression softened and a small gasp left her lips. Colin smiled widely at his daughter and rubbed his wife’s arm.

Situation diffused….

“No it wasn’t too bad. I guess” Y/N agreed, knowing it could have gone a whole lot worse. When her sister had heard the news, rather than being annoyed like Y/N had thought she might be, Kate had just found the whole thing hilarious, thanking Y/N for taking the pressure of her and Olli to provide their parents with a grand baby.

Reid fidgeted, feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket. A text message coming through. Slipping his cell out, he tapped the screen to view the message from Penelope.

“My fluffy little parents to be, I trust regaling the parental units with your news went well and that you are home again. If you are, please venture up the stairs and into your not so spare anymore bedroom.”

“Why does she want us to go upstairs?” Y/N was reading over his shoulder.

Spencer shrugged and hauled himself to his feet, pulling her up with him.

“Let’s go find out.”

As soon as they reached the top of the stairs he could smell it. Fresh paint.

He led Y/N down the hallway to the spare room that was going to be the nursery once they had chance to decorate and assemble all of the furniture. They’d been putting it off, neither wanting to be responsible for building the babies cot in case they bodged it up.

When he pushed open the door, he saw they wouldn’t have to.

Y/N let out a little squeak as she took in the view. The walls were no longer a drab magnolia and were instead a vibrant yellow, stencils of little ducks dotted around to match the pattern on the newly hung curtains. The cot, the changing station and the small chest of drawers had all been assembled. In the corner of the room by the window, was a beautiful wooden rocking chair with soft padded cushions adorning it. They hadn’t purchased the chair themselves.

Spencer spied a note on it, padding across the room to retrieve it and noting Derek’s scrawl.

“Kid,

I remember you showing us photo’s of your mother rocking you to sleep in one of these. Figured a rocking chair must help baby genius’s sleep and that you’d need your own. Penny chose the colour scheme, although we had to wrestle the pink paint away from her at first. Girl’s convinced your gonna have a little princes for her to play with.

Hope it’s okay, the whole team pitched in.

D”

The fact that Derek had left the note told Spencer that this was his friends way of saying sorry for being an ass about his marriage, that he’d accepted it.

“I can’t believe they did this for you!” Y/N exclaimed, spinning around and taking in the room.

Spencer grinned, gulping back the small lump that had formed in his throat.

“Us, Y/N. They did it for us.”


	8. Chapter 8

The next few weeks were pretty perfect as far as Y/N and Spencer were concerned. Their unconventional marriage would seem the complete opposite to anyone not in the know.

When they went out together at weekends they held hands and looked at each other adoringly. When they stayed in and watched shows, the ended up entwined with other on the couch, snuggling into each other. Both were incredibly happy and although Spencer did not believe in fate at all, he couldn't help but think that maybe the universe had had a hand in nudging them towards each other.

The baby was more active now which he loved. When JJ had been pregnant, feeling Henry moving inside of her had freaked him out totally. But now his favourite pastime was sitting next to Y/N with his hand on her tummy feeling his child fluttering around inside of her.

"Can you believe all of this?" Y/N asked him one night when they were sat watching reruns of Dr Who.

"What? The episode? You know the daleks were originally introduced as..... "

"No silly!" she interrupted him, giving Reid a playful nudge. "I meant us. Married, expecting a baby. All because you offered me something to suck on that day on the plane."

"Well.... It didn't all happen JUST because of that."

"True, there was a fair amount of alcohol involved in us happening," Y/N agreed.

"A fair amount? Given that I still can't remember anything after we left your sisters wedding I think there was more than just a fair amount."

"Alright, alright! But still. I never thought that being seated next to some random stranger on a plane one day would lead to this."

"Me neither," Spencer slipped his hand into Y/N's and smiled at her, his hazel eyes full of emotion. "You've made me happier than I've been in a long time. I never expected to feel this happy ever."

Y/N felt her eyes tearing up, blaming her hormones for making her feel suddenly emotional.

"Same Spencer, same. When I watched Kate and Olli fall in love when they were younger, and stay in love to the point of them getting married, I never thought I'd find anyone. I've always been content in my own company, happy with being by myself. I didn't want to compromise my lifestyle for someone else. But with you, it's different. It all seems worth it somehow."

She licked her lips, taking a brief breather and then continuing.

"I'm glad we got smashed out of our minds. I'm glad we got married, and screwed without protection. I'm glad we made those... mistakes? Although now, it doesn't seem like they were mistakes. It seems like it was meant to be. Spencer, I love you."

Three words, eight letters. Such a small and simple combination of words that made Spencer's heart soar. He felt the same but hadn't dared to say anything to her, just in case it wasn't reciprocated yet. It was normal to love your wife, but normally you fell in love with them before the wedding not afterwards.

"Y/N, I love you too. Never before have I been so pleased to have gotten as drunk as I did that night."

They grinned at each other and Y/N snuggled in, resting her head on Reid's chest as he wrapped his arm around her.

"And they say alcohol is bad for you" she sighed contently.

...

"I can't believe they planned a baby shower for me!" Y/N was in awe after the surprise shower this afternoon.

She'd been given the afternoon off work whilst Sal and Josie completed a stock take at the store. Josie had been the weekend assistant for a number of years, working part time whilst her children attended nursery. With her kids moving to kindergarten she was going to be able to pick up more hours, and between her and Sal they were going to cover the store when Y/N eventually went on maternity leave.

At around lunchtime Y/N had received a call asking her to go into work, they needed her help with one of the filing systems. Dutifully she obliged, Spencer giving her a ride and loitering by her side as she opened the door to the store. Balloons, diaper cakes, streamers and banners filled the room, Sal and Josie along with Penelope, JJ and Emily, and a few of Y/N's other friends jumping out at her. Spencer had known, of course he'd known. The whole thing had been Penelope's idea and she'd dragged the rest of the girls along with her.

JJ had initially been standoffish when Spencer had first introduced Y/N to his colleagues. Penelope however, not so much. She'd thrown herself head on into becoming Y/N's friend and welcoming her into their friendship group. And Y/N had welcomed the other woman's friendship, Garcia's vibrant energy and warmth emanating from her. Being friends with the tech goddess was easy and it meant Y/N had a link to the team whenever Spencer was out in the field, Garcia keeping her up to date with his whereabouts if he was unable to.

"Did you have a good time?" Reid had picked her up a few hours later, her arms laden down with gift bags and a humongous smile on her face.

"It was so lovely. Your friends really are the best."

"Y/N, they're our friends now. They wouldn't have done all this for you otherwise. They really, really like you. Penelope is always talking about you at work."

Y/N smiled to herself thinking how much her life had changed recently. A husband, a baby on the way, and a brand new group of friends. It couldn't be more perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

Y/N grimaced and rubbed her lower back. At seven months pregnant she was definitely feeling the strain of carrying this baby. She gently lowered herself into the chair behind the counter at work at exhaled heavily.

“You okay sweetie?” Sal overheard her and came rushing over.

“Yeah yeah, I’m good. Just…. I feel like I’m having mega menstrual cramps or something.”

Sal’s eyebrows raised in concern, “How long have you been having them for?”

Y/N frowned as she thought back. The cramps themselves were just today but she had been feeling strange for the past few days. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Spencer had been away on a case for the the last three days she she’d put it down to her hormones, the baby inside her missing it’s Daddy’s presence.

“Y/N, I want you to go to the hospital and get yourself checked out,” Sal didn’t need to wait for her employee and friends answer. The look on the girls face told her that something was definitely up.

“Sal, it’s fine. It’s probably just the baby lying in an awkward position or something,” she winced as she felt another cramp in her lower back.

“So you can feel it moving around still?”

“Yeah yeah, of course…. ” Although even as she was saying it, Y/N was now beginning to doubt it. The baby hadn’t been as active recently, but she’d still been able to feel it moving around. Hadn’t she?

“Y/N, is there anyone who can go with you? I really think you should go, just to make sure. You’re seven months pregnant, cramps like this could mean early labour. It’s probably just braxton hicks but I’d rather you go.”

Sally didn’t want to worry Y/N and it probably was just braxton hicks. But she wanted to be on the safe side. She’d take her herself but Josie had an appointment this afternoon so couldn’t come in to cover, and she was waiting for an important shipment to arrive.

“Erm… Okay, yeah I’ll go. I’ll call Penelope,” although Y/N had other friends in the city, she didn’t want to bother any of them with a hospital trip that would probably be for nothing.

Y/N did call the technical goddess and her new friend, who of course assured her that it was no problem and that she’d meet her at the hospital.

Garcia technically shouldn’t have left the office, but the team had who they firmly believed was the unsub in custody and were questioning him. She sweet talked Kevin into manning her office and grabbed her laptop. She could work from the hospital if need be.

When she met up with Y/N, she could see how pale her friend was, sitting in the waiting room and rubbing her lower back as furiously as she could.

“Honeypie, let’s get you seen! Have you called Spencer yet?”

Y/N shook her head, “I didn’t want to worry him. It’s probably just braxton hicks. If this is any indication of the actual thing though, then I am NOT looking forward to it.”

Penelope nodded, wondering if she should call Spencer herself but deciding to wait until they had information first. Like Y/N said, it was probably just a false alarm.

“Alright, let’s go see why the little peanut is causing you so much bother then.”

…

Spencer was weary. He and Morgan had been questioning the suspect for the past three hours and they weren’t getting anywhere. He said back in his chair as Derek changed tracks with him again.

“Reid,” the door to the interview room opened and David Rossi walked in. “Hotch needs you outside.”

Changing of the interrogator was a tactic the team often used when a suspect wasn’t cooperating so Spencer left without questioning it, wandering over to the office that the team were using as base. He paused outside of the open door, hearing Hotch and JJ talking heatedly.

“Jennifer, I understand your concern for him but I cannot have two of my Agents leaving this case. I need you here with the rest of us.”

“Hotch, you can’t be serious. You heard Garcia. Are you really going to make him drive all the home alone?”

“I did hear Garcia. And I heard exactly what you did. We don’t know yet what’s happening. Everything could be fine.”

“Aaron….,” Reid could hear the tone of JJ’s voice.

“Agent Jareau, I don’t have any other choice here. Our technical analyst has already abandoned her post without my authority. Spencer needs to go, but you cannot go with him.”

Spencer decided it was time he showed his face.

“Go where sir?” he stepped into the office, Hotch and JJ turning to him in surprise. JJ looked at him and then quickly glanced away, not meeting his eyes.

“Home Spencer. Penelope has called in, Y/N has been admitted to hospital. Garcia is staying with her until you can get there, Kevin has taken over from her back at the BAU.”

Reid felt his heart drop into his stomach and looked at JJ again trying to read her. She again wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“Hospital? Did she say what’s wrong?”

Aaron shook his head and handed over the keys to one of the SUVS. The case hadn’t been far enough to warrant taking the jet, although it would take Spencer at least three hours to get home.

“They don’t know yet. But you need to go now.”

Reid gulped back the lump that was forming in his throat and took the keys, hurrying out of the room. He’d called Penelope when he was in the car.

Aaron sighed and looked over at Jennifer.

“I know you think I’m an ogre right now but we have jobs to do. I can’t have us all forgetting about that and abandoning our posts. I want to be there for him too, and we will be. When the case is over.”

“You realise he’s just going to call Penelope?”

“She’s under strict instruction to not answer to him. And given the scenario, the hospital are very unlikely to give him any information until he arrives.”

JJ sniffed and wiped at her eyes. Both she and Aaron had heard the same conversation and although she knew her boss was trying to be positive, but she could sense that this wasn’t going to end well.

“I can’t believe we’ve sent him off alone to deal with this.”

“Jennifer, he’s going to his wife. This is something they will deal with together. And once we know the definite outcome we can support him them. Now I need you to put your personal relationship with him aside for now, we have a case to solve.”


	10. Chapter 10

Spencer drove home as fast as he dared, growing extremely frustrated and worried each time he attempted to contact Y/N.

He was trying not to think the worst but he'd seen the look on Hotch's face, how JJ wouldn't meet his gaze. What else what his meant to think?

Penelope wasn't answering her phone, and everytime he tried to call the hospital he was met with an extremely unhelpful receptionist who would simply tell him that his wife was still with the Doctors and that they didn't know anything yet.

Bullshit, Reid called. But that got him nowhere.

When he finally made it to the hospital he threw the SUV into a parking space and raced through the halls until he arrived at the ward number Hotch had texted to him. He dashed over to the reception desk.

"My name is Dr Spencer Reid, my wife Y/N Reid was admitted here earlier today."

The woman behind the desk consulted her computer as Reid her a tiny voice behind him.

"Spencer."

He turned to see Penelope, her eyes red and her mascara smudged.

"Garcia, where is she? What happened? Is she okay, is the baby okay?"

Garcia bit her lip and looked down the hall.

"I should... We should find a doctor..... " her voice cracked.

"Penelope, tell me!"

"I can't... Spencer, I can't be the one to tell you this. I'm sorry," tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Penelope!"

"She's... She's in there," she motioned towards a room off to the side. "Y/N's in there."

Taking a deep shaky breath, Spencer made towards the door, terrified of what he would find on the other side.

...

The room was quiet, much quieter than he expected it to be. There was no bleeping machines, no soft hum of any monitors. Spencer looked around spotting Y/N in the centre of a huge hospital bed, the only bed in the room.

Her hair was scraped back with a brightly coloured hair tie, one of Penelope's he knew. He couldn't see her face because it was so focused on the bundle in her arms. A blanket wrapped around something so tiny. Her lips were moving though, whispering something over and over, so quietly that Reid couldn't quite hear it.

He shuffled forward slightly, somehow feeling that he shouldn't be here even though he knew that should. This was his wife here, he had every right to be. Sensing his presence at last Y/N looked up and Spencer could see how exhausted she looked, how red her eyes were, the make up she must have applied earlier that day streaked down her cheeks.

As she locked eyes with him her face crumpled and her hold on the bundle in her arms seemed to tighten.

Spencer knew then what he'd been dreading. He knew why the room was so quiet, why there were no machines bleeping, why there were no wires attached to the seven month old child she cradled.

His child.

Their child.

His lips parted and he tried to speak but all that came out was a strangled noise, almost like a wail. Y/N shook her head, tears pouring down her cheeks as the first wave of wetness spilled over Spencer's own.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," her words were choked and Spencer finally managed to unfreeze himself from his spot on the floor, rushing forward to her.

He shuffled onto the hospital bed with her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close, his other arm going around the bundle in her arms.

"I failed you, I failed us. I failed him."

Him.

Spencer's son.

He had a million and one questions. How? Why? What had happened? Why to them? Why to him?

But he couldn't speak. All he could do was to hold her and to gaze at the teeny tiny baby that was in her arms. He reached out tentively stroking it's cheek, his sons cheek. He was suprised by how warm he still was, perhaps he'd misunderstood, perhaps everything was okay and Y/N was upset about something else.

But he knew deep down it wasn't true. There were no sounds coming from his baby, and although he simply looked like he was sleeping, there were none of the sweet little snuffles that babies made.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," Y/N kept repeating the same words and Reid now realised that was what she'd been whispering when he'd entered the room.

Taking a deep breath he managed to rasp out a sentence that he wasn't sure he believed.

"It'll be okay, we'll be okay."

...

Penelope was weeping openly on the bench outside the hospital room. She didn't care who saw it or who heard it. She couldn't imagine what her two friends were going through, she couldn't even begin to understand the heartache.

Today had been one of the worst days of her life. Sitting next to Y/N and holding her hand as the ultrasound technician performed the scan and then rushed off to find the doctor. More tests followed and after an agonising wait with Y/N sobbing because she then knew something was wrong, they were sensitively informed that the baby had died, and that the cramps Y/N was experiencing was her body going into labour to expel the baby from her womb. The doctors made her as comfortable as they could to make the process as, at least physically as painless as they could. But still...

Penelope had witnessed some pretty horrific things during her time at the BAU. But nothing would ever be worse than watching her new friend, the wife of her beloved old friend Spencer, birth a baby that would never take a breath.


	11. Chapter 11

The weeks that followed were difficult, understandably so. Spencer had never felt so many emotions. He switched from anger, to frustration, to uncontrollably sobbing, to sheer numbness.

Y/N stayed overnight in hospital for tests, in the hope that they would be given answers. Except they didn't get answers. The doctors couldn't pin point what had caused it. Everything was fine at the last ultrasound and Y/N was perfectly healthy. They were just part of unfortunate percentage, one that Spencer never imagined he'd be part of.

The funeral came and went, one of the hardest days of Spencer's life. Lowering his son Jason into the ground in that tiny casket was almost too much for him, as was the never wavering sympathy in the eyes of his colleagues, his mom, Y/N's parents and sister who had flown from Vegas, and her colleagues at the bookstore. But they got through it, although now he could barely remember how.

A month after the funeral he went back to work. He didn't know what to do at home, it was such an odd atmosphere there now. Up until the funeral he and Y/N had clung to each other, staying awake into the early hours of the mornings just holding each other and weeping. Afterwards though, she became almost a different person. She flinched when he touched her and she would no longer talk to him, not about anything that mattered. They'd had a doctors appointment three days after the buriel and the doctor had informed them that he could see no reason why they wouldn't be able to conceive again and produce a healthy baby. Spencer had been pleased, feeling the smallest glimmer of hope but Y/N had just stared at him as he smiled and reacted to the news.

A week after his return to work, she removed herself from their shared bed which was in the room that was hers originally. Spencer found her sleeping downstairs on the couch. The next night when he went to enter the bedroom she blocked him, asking him in a dull voice if he could go back to his own room, she wanted to be alone. He complied with her request for that night and then tried to talk to her the next day. But she wouldn't open up, shrugging off his questions and bursting into tears when he pushed her. When he tried to cuddle her, to comfort her, she angrily pushed him away, grabbing her bag and leaving the house. Spencer panicked, she wouldn't answer her cell phone and none of her friends knew where she was. When Y/N returned after midnight, she was drunk, smashed out of her skull. Reid put her to bed and sloped off to his own room, breaking down in tears once he was under the covers.

He didn't know what to do, how to handle this, how to handle her.

...

For Y/N it was different but yet the same. She was sad and angry at the life that had been taken away from her, for the answers they didn't get from the tests. She hated herself for not being able to carry the baby even though the doctors assured her it was nothing she had done. She despised her body for still baring signs of the child she did not have. She'd been given medication to dry up the milk that her body would attempt to produce, but she still the hints of the baby belly, the purple scars that had marked her body as it had stretched to accommodate the baby.

On the run up to the funeral Spencer had been her rock, they'd clung to each other in their despair, barely sleeping through the night and just holding each other after they'd wept. Her parents had come over to be with them, to help their daughter and son in law through their sadness and sorrows in anyway they could.

Threw days after the funeral though, three days after they'd lowered Jason into the ground, something had changed. A hospital appointment to go through the outcome of some further tests where yet again no more answers were gained but where Spencer and Y/N were assured that if they were to try for another child, the likelihood of a this happening again was low.

"You hear that Y/N? We can try again."

Y/N had looked at Spencer with a shocked expression on her face, seeing him quickly rethink his statement.

"I mean, when we're ready. Not now."

That simply statement though had flipped a switch in Y/N's brain, triggered a reaction in her mind that wouldn't go away. Spencer had told her when they'd first met that he hadn't had a proper girlfriend before, and all of a sudden her mind went to a place that took that information, teamed it with him seeming so eager and happy that they could try for another baby, and made her think that he was only with her because he wanted a family. That he was clinging to her because she was his only hope for those things and that he didn't actually love her.

She turned cold towards him, not even realising it half the time. Y/N shut down and shut him out. Convinced he only wanted her because of the things she could give him that he hadn't had before, so sure that he didn't actually love her or care for her, that he only loved the idea of having a wife. From there on every small action that he did to try to make her feel better made her despise him, every look of concern, every small touch, everything he did made her want to be away from him. Over and over the voice inside her head told her that he only wanted her because of the baby and that was all he wanted from her going forward. Every happy memory of their time together vanished and all she could see was how happy he'd been about the baby and that he was going to be a dad. She suddenly didn't remember how happy she'd been with him, or how happy they'd made each other. She was fixated on that one thing. And she couldn't let go of it.

Y/N removed herself from him as much as she could, going back to sleeping alone and spending as little time with him as possible. It was easier once he'd decided to go back to work, she didn't have to see his puppy dog face that she knew was just begging her to be ready to try again.

A few weeks after he returned to work Y/N decided that she'd also had enough of being off. Sal had told her to take as much time off as she needed, she had been due maternity leave anyway. But this wasn't maternity leave, there was no baby for her to be taking care of so there was no longer any reason for her to be at home all day.

Sally had been shocked to see her, pleading with her to go home and to rest.

"Rest for what Sal? I don't need rest. I need to be here, I need to work. I'm fine."

"Sweetie... Are you sure? After everything that's happened? You need to be resting, you've had a lot to process."

"And I've processed it. I'm not ill, there's nothing physically wrong with me. Are you gonna let me get back to work or not?"

Sal reluctantly allowed her to stay and Y/N set about resuming her usual duties. Spencer had been appalled when he returned from the BAU later but she shut him down. She needed something to do, she'd told him. She needed to get on with her life.

And so she was fine. Until three weeks after her return to the bookshop. A couple walked in with a new born baby strapped into a stroller. Y/N was restocking shelves and only noticed them when the baby started to cry. She looked over to see the father pick up the child, hugging it to his chest and bouncing it gently, soothing it until it's cries quieted to a soft sniffle. The mother smiled at him with a proud look on face, getting onto her tippy toes and kissing him sweetly on the cheek.

The perfect family, Y/N thought to herself.

The perfect family which Spencer Reid wanted from her. And what she had failed to give him.

The walls of the bookstore suddenly seemed to close in on her and she felt suffocated, trapped by everything and everyone. She needed to leave. She needed to get away from here.

She needed to get away from Spencer.

Abandoning her job she grabbed her things from the back office, passing by Sal who saw the tears in her eyes and the look on her face. Sal wanted to stop her, to ask if she was okay but she knew her concern would be shooed away as they had been continuously over the past few weeks. She knew her employee, her friend, was struggling even though Y/N herself didn't seem to realise it. She could see it in her body language, in the way she spoke to her husband when he came into the store after work. She just didn't know how to help her. Sally watched Y/N go with a heavy heart. She hoped she'd be okay.

...

When Spencer returned home that evening he noticed Y/N's car missing. He'd been held up at the office for a few hours longer than normal so it was strange that she wasn't there. He checked his phone to see if she'd message him to say she'd made plans. Nothing, which to be honest wasn't that bizarre at all. Communication between him and Y/N had all but shut down. She rarely called or text him now.

When he entered the house he could sense it immediately. Something was different. He bound up the stairs to the bedroom, seeing straight away that her closest door was open. Clothes had been discarded on the floor and the suitcases that had been in the closet were missing. On her pillow he saw a scrap of paper, her handwriting scrawled across the page.

As he read her writing he felt his heart breaking into a million and one pieces.

"Spencer,

I can't do this anymore. We can't be this perfect family, I can't give you what you want.

I've gone back to my parents. Please don't follow me or try to get in touch with me.

I'll make contact again through our families lawyer.

I think it's for the best that we divorce.

Y/N"


	12. Chapter 12

Joanna and Colin had been extremely surprised when their daughter had turned up on their doorsteps, suitcases in hand.

They'd been even more shocked when she revealed the true nature of her relationship with Spencer, that they hadn't been dating beforehand and that she'd only met him a few days before she'd bought him to Kate's wedding.

"But... You two seemed so in love with each other?" Colin was confused, sipping from a tumbler of whisky as Y/N quickly downed one glass and refilled it.

"It was a lie. It was an act. We didn't love each other. It was just for the baby. Spencer didn't love me, he just wanted me so he could have a family. He didn't care about me."

Colin shared a look with his wife, one that his daughter was ignorant to. That was not the impression he'd gotten from the young man who he'd been introduced to. His daughter had been through a lot recently, and as far as he was aware she hadn't sought any sort of help to get over it. Losing a baby at any stage of a pregnancy would have an affect anyone. He recalled how distraught Y/N had been at the funeral, how her and Spencer had clung to each other. How she'd sent him and her mother home, assuring them that Spencer would look after her and that they needed to be alone to be able to grieve together.

Both Colin and Joanna tried desperately to convince Y/N how wrong she was, that Spencer did love her because it was plain for them to see that he did, but she was having none of it. She was incredibly distressed to the point where they became worried she was going to have a panic attack. After much soothing and assuring their child that they would support her no matter what, they managed to put her to bed, hoping that in the morning things would maybe look clearer.

"What do you think?" Colin asked his wife and they entered their kitchen, both needing a large glass of something.

"My heart breaks for her. I can't imagine what she's going through but I do know that she isn't coping."

Colin nodded, thinking the same thing.

"I think.... I think we need to try to get her to see a therapist. We can support her and love her but what she's been through is unimaginable. And I think she's in an incredibly bad place right now which is clouding her thoughts."

Colin wrapped his arms around Joanne, the emotion of the day taking it out on them both. Losing their first grandchild had affected them too but right now they had to be strong for their daughter.

And support her no matter what.

...

Spencer lasted four days after finding Y/N's note. He'd wanted to hop on a plane straight away but after turning up at JJ's in tears, she'd managed to convince him otherwise. She was the only one who could come anywhere close to understanding how Y/N felt right now and although JJ loved her friend and felt for him, she knew the girl needed space.

"Spence, leave her. Give her a few days to get her thoughts straight."

"JJ she said she wanted a divorce. She thinks I don't love her!"

Jennifer rested her hand on Spencer's knee. "I know that's not true. You know that's not true. I know that this is hard, so incredibly hard for you both. But you need to leave her for just a few days. Everything you've both been through is so overwhelming, just let her breathe."

So he gave her a few days and then packed his bags and caught a flight. Y/N wasn't answering her calls, in fact her cell was off completely. As soon as he landed, he rented a car and drove straight to her parents how, pounding on the door.

"Spencer... " Y/N's mother answered the door, a sad look crossing her face.

"Please, Joanna I need to see her."

"I'm sorry Spencer, she doesn't want to see you. She's given us strict instructions to turn you away if you came here."

"I need to see her. Please.. She's my wife, I need to tell her how much I love her. I need for us to make this okay."

Joanna hated seeing a grown man begging, tears running down his face. She felt a hand on her shoulder, her husband gently moving her out of the way.

"Come into the lounge son. I'll go and speak with her."

As his wife tried to console their distraught son in law, Colin went back upstairs to his daughters bedroom. She'd not left the room since the night they'd put her to bed except to use the bathroom.

"I don't want to see him. Why did you let him in?!" she was angry, her puffy red eyes glaring at him.

"He flew here to see you Y/N. He deserves an explanation as to why you left him."

"I told you why I left him. I don't want to talk to him. I can't deal with this right now. Make him leave."

"No," Colin knew she'd hate him for this but he'd hate himself if he didn't stand up for the man downstairs. "If you want him to leave, you need to go and tell him. You married him, you were going to have a baby with him. However much of a mistake you think this was, he obviously doesn't. I love you Y/N and I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are feeling right now. But he's feeling it to. You need to go and talk to him. I will not force him to leave here."

Y/N stared with such hatred in her eyes that Colin wondered if she'd ever forgive him. Still, she flung the covers off and marched out of the room with a determined look upon her face.

Had he made this worse, Colin suddenly dreaded.

He followed her down the stairs, meeting Joanna out in the hallway and wincing as her heard his daughter's raised voice.

"Leave," Y/N's teeth were gritted as she looked over at the man who was still her husband on paper.

"Y/N, no! I came all this way for you, we need to sort this out. I love you."

Spencer could hear the desperation in his own voice, hoping she could too. She needed to know how much he cared for her, that he still loved her and wanted to help her.

She didn't hear the desperation though. All she heard was her mind telling her he was lying. How could he love her? She'd lost the one thing keeping them together, the one thing he'd wanted. That mentality overtook everything inside of her and she just wanted him gone. For this terrible mistake that had consumed her life for the past several months to be over.

"Get out of my house Spencer. And don't come back."

"But.... I love.... "

"No! You don't! At most, you love the idea of me. A wife. You said it yourself the second time we met. Thirty three years old and never had a proper relationship. We make a mistake walking into that Chapel, we made a mistake climbing into bed with each other, and we made a mistake staying together. You don't love me and I... "

"Yes, I do...just listen to me, please."

She held up her hand.

"And I don't love you. I don't want you. I don't want to try and fix this. Because everytime I look at you, I'm reminded of what we lost. I don't love you, I never did. It was just easier to stay together and deal with... that mistake together. Now we don't have to anymore so let's stop kidding ourselves."

She stood up, ready to walk out of the room not being able to stand the look on his face. Her final words before she left the room to him was a sentence he never wanted to hear.

"I want a divorce, and I want it as quickly as possible."  
...

Spencer stayed on in Vegas for another three days, calling Y/N's house every morning and evening. Her parents were kind and sympathetic towards him but they would not allow him back to the house, not after last time. He understood, they were thinking of their daughter and he didn't blame them for putting her first. He told them where he was staying and how long for.

On his final day in the city he was packed and ready to leave when he heard a knocking on his hotel door. Y/N's family were the only ones who knew where he was staying and his heart leapt.

When he opened the door it was to a well a well dressed man he'd never seen before.

"Dr Spencer Reid?"

Spencer nodded and the man held out a manilla envelope which Reid took.

"I'm sorry, but you've been served."


	13. Chapter 13

Spencer hadn't been in this area of town for nearly two years. Twenty two months to be exact. Not that he'd had much reason to visit this area before he'd met her anyway but after she'd disappeared from his life, he didn't want to go anywhere that reminded him. Reminded of everything he'd had but had lost.

He'd signed the divorce papers, he didn't feel he had much choice. And then he'd wallowed and grieved for a few months before deciding that he needed to pick himself back up and get on with his life. He was no longer a husband and no longer a father. After advice from Rossi, he booked into see a counsellor. He had a lot of angry feelings that he hadn't known what to do with. The counsellor had helped him realise that none of this was his fault, nor was it Y/N's. The counsellor had voiced thoughts that Spencer had pushed to the back of his mind because he'd been angry with her for shutting him out, that losing her child had put her into a depression which had controlled her actions. It had been a major shock to both of their systems, hers even more so as her body had been so prepared for motherhood, a motherhood that had been cruelly taken away. All of those hormones running through her body, and really now that Spencer could think about this logically, he could understand how her mind had been so clouded. 

He hadn't seen her since that day in Vegas. Hadn't heard from her at all. Her father had contacted him to make arrangements to pick her things up from the house, him apologising to Spencer profusely for the way things had happened. Her father had seemed to understand some of Spencer's pain, clasping him on the shoulder as he'd left.

He was in a much better place now, he'd even allowed himself to be set up on a blind date the other week by Derek. It hadn't been the most successful of outings but he was getting out there again, something he hadn't seen himself doing for a long time.

Spencer turned down the street where the bookshop where Y/N used to work was. He knew the owner had passed away a few months ago, it had made the local headlines as she been a much loved member of the community. He spied the storefront, wondering what would happen to it now and noticing that the sign had been replaced.

"Charley's Chapters"

Charley? 

He crossed the road seeing the closer he got that the store seemed to be undergoing some kind of renovation. The bookcases were all pushed to one side and covered up, and there was various pots of paint scattered around the place. Standing closer to the windows still, he was suprised when the door that led to back room opened and out walked Y/N.

She stopped, seeing him standing outside the shop almost immediately. Spencer watched the emotions on her face change from suprised to scared, then to something he couldn't read. She crossed the room and unlocked the door, opening it up to him.

Hesitating only slightly he stepped inside.

"Hi" she said quietly, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. Her cheek had a smudge of pale blue paint on it and he wondered if she even knew it was there.

"Hi."

"Well this isn't awkward at all," she grimaced momentarily, her eyes flickering around the room before meeting his.

"No, of course not," he raised his eyebrows and then studied her. She looked good. Still perfectly beautiful in his eyes, although she looked a lot more together than the last time he'd seen her. The light was back in her eyes again.

"So, Charley's Chapters?"

She nodded. "Sal left the store to me. She didn't have any children. I deliberated for months over whether to come back and then one morning I just woke up and realised, I was ready."

Reid nodded not quite knowing what to say right now. It turned out, he didn't have to.

"Spencer I'm sorry. For the way I treated you, for the way I ended things."

"Y/N, you don't need to.... "

She interupted him,"Yes, I do. I was horrific to you. You were hurting too and I just... I just shut down. All I remember thinking is that we were only together for the baby and because that wasn't there anymore, that we weren't either. These voices in my head kept telling me you hated me for losing him and just wanted us to have another baby straight away. I couldn't handle anything... "

"Please, you don't need to explain this to me," Spencer reached out his hand to touch her arm, then dropped it rapidly. She looked disappointed.

"I do. I wanted to write to you, I wanted to call you, to tell you how sorry I am. I threw away everything we had."

She swiped at her face, the paint smudge smudging even more when a tear wetted it. She took a deep breath, biting her lip before the words she'd wanted to say for months fell out. The words her therapist that had gotten her through these past two years had told her she should send to him, that maybe there was still a chance.

"Spencer, I miss you."

He was taken aback, shocked by the emotions in her voice and her words. 

Still, he found himself immediately replying.

"I miss you too."

.... 

A/N: to those that hate me right now, I'm sorry. I have no idea why my brain decided for the story to go the way it did but once it had, I couldn't change it. There's a reason it took me so long to finish, because it wasn't an easy story to write. I'm sorry if people feel it wasn't handled sensitively or if it was just was wrong. And I'm sorry for the ambiguous ending. 

When I was writing this story I had one song that inspired me. Take Me As I Am by Au Revoir Simone. I don't know why but especially this last chapter makes me think of that song.


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